BFN in the TTC (trying to conceive) world stands for "Big Fat Negative". I'm getting good with these acronyms. Feels like a foreign language for awhile...
Anyhow, I went in early to the clinic today for a blood test. After having to wait WAY to long for the results, we got the dreaded phone call from the doc that the pregnancy test was negative.
We are all disappointed and a little air was certainly let out of our balloons today. Still, I think we are all looking ahead to the next step and the next cycle. There is optimism that with a few changes, we'll have a much better chance next go-round.
Not much else to write about. I'll probably take a break for a while until we get our next cycle going. Hopefully soon!
Friday, September 27, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
7dp5dt - One Hot Hormonal Mess
Okay, maybe that's a bit of an overstatement...
Still, it doesn't help that my 3 year-old son (okay, almost 4) is currently on a plane on his way to Disneyland with his grandparents, taking his first trip away from us ever. I know he is GREAT hands and is going to have a BLAST at the "Happiest Place on Earth", but right now it's reading more like "Best Place on Earth to get Lost or Kidnapped or Fall out of a Teacup". Gigi, I know you will read this and don't worry, this is just the hormones talking. I know everyone will be just fine. :)
I seriously have been going through the day flip-flopping about every 10 minutes between "I know I'm pregnant!" and "I wonder how soon we can do the next cycle?" I'm sure this is normal for everyone in the 2WW, but man it makes the day seem long!! I'm sure it's way harder for my IPs. I want soooo much for them for there to be a baby or two in there cooking right now. They've been waiting long enough, darnit!
I guess all I can do is leave it in the Lord's hands and lay it all at His feet. If this is His timing, EXCELLENT, but if it's not, then PLEASE Lord give their perfect child in Your Time...though we will all take sooner over later if that works with Your schedule...
Still, it doesn't help that my 3 year-old son (okay, almost 4) is currently on a plane on his way to Disneyland with his grandparents, taking his first trip away from us ever. I know he is GREAT hands and is going to have a BLAST at the "Happiest Place on Earth", but right now it's reading more like "Best Place on Earth to get Lost or Kidnapped or Fall out of a Teacup". Gigi, I know you will read this and don't worry, this is just the hormones talking. I know everyone will be just fine. :)
I seriously have been going through the day flip-flopping about every 10 minutes between "I know I'm pregnant!" and "I wonder how soon we can do the next cycle?" I'm sure this is normal for everyone in the 2WW, but man it makes the day seem long!! I'm sure it's way harder for my IPs. I want soooo much for them for there to be a baby or two in there cooking right now. They've been waiting long enough, darnit!
I guess all I can do is leave it in the Lord's hands and lay it all at His feet. If this is His timing, EXCELLENT, but if it's not, then PLEASE Lord give their perfect child in Your Time...though we will all take sooner over later if that works with Your schedule...
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
6dp5dt - I want to POAS!!
For all you new to the IVF world, that means"six days post five-day transfer". The embryos were five days old when they transferred them, and we are now six days past that.
POAS means "pee on a stick" aka HPT "home pregnancy test"
The waiting is so hard. I'm trying not to read into "symptoms" as I really feel it is too early for that. I also don't want to take a home test as hcg levels are so unpredictable right now, that I could easily get a negative when we really ARE pregnant, or I could get a positive even if it's a chemical. So I'm just going to be a good girl and wait for my beta Friday morning. We will know Friday afternoon if the beta results were good.
Longest week ever!!
POAS means "pee on a stick" aka HPT "home pregnancy test"
The waiting is so hard. I'm trying not to read into "symptoms" as I really feel it is too early for that. I also don't want to take a home test as hcg levels are so unpredictable right now, that I could easily get a negative when we really ARE pregnant, or I could get a positive even if it's a chemical. So I'm just going to be a good girl and wait for my beta Friday morning. We will know Friday afternoon if the beta results were good.
Longest week ever!!
Bed Rest
Where do I start with bed rest? First of all, it was WAY better than I thought. I was honestly a little nervous to be staying at the home of my IP's, especially when they had to be waiting on me hand and foot! As much as I feel that we have gotten to know them over the past year, I still had no idea what to expect staying at their home! So here is my top ten list of things I appreciated about my stay:
10) Aveda Shampure in the shower. It made my hair smell good even the second day that I couldn't shower. Love that stuff.
9) IF paging IM during the day. I am still laughing thinking about it. (No one else will get this, that's okay....)
8) Full fat Greek yogurt. I never realized how good that stuff is. That splurge was totally worth it!
7) No judgement on my crazy cracker and Twizzler consumption. That what you get for asking "what else can we get you?"
6) Amazing salmon....my compliments to the chef and his fancy pan.
5) Not losing power in the stormy weather.
4) Belly laughs with IM about BET and other such nonsense.
3) No judgement about my smelly self after 48 hours without bathing.
2) Not getting any of my show watched because IM was hanging out with me the whole time. So great!
1) Knowing even more that God matched us with the perfect couple to go through this with. I feel so close to you both now, and I am so blessed!!
Oh, and I think I came up with a name for my IM.....
FIVE-POKE POLLY! (this story will go untold...)
:)
10) Aveda Shampure in the shower. It made my hair smell good even the second day that I couldn't shower. Love that stuff.
9) IF paging IM during the day. I am still laughing thinking about it. (No one else will get this, that's okay....)
8) Full fat Greek yogurt. I never realized how good that stuff is. That splurge was totally worth it!
7) No judgement on my crazy cracker and Twizzler consumption. That what you get for asking "what else can we get you?"
6) Amazing salmon....my compliments to the chef and his fancy pan.
5) Not losing power in the stormy weather.
4) Belly laughs with IM about BET and other such nonsense.
3) No judgement about my smelly self after 48 hours without bathing.
2) Not getting any of my show watched because IM was hanging out with me the whole time. So great!
1) Knowing even more that God matched us with the perfect couple to go through this with. I feel so close to you both now, and I am so blessed!!
Oh, and I think I came up with a name for my IM.....
FIVE-POKE POLLY! (this story will go untold...)
:)
Monday, September 23, 2013
Embryo Pic - 5dt
Here they are! The one on the bottom is in the early blastocyst stage. This would probably be the "winner" if there is only one.
IM brought up how strange it would be to show their child a picture of himself or herself at 5 days old. How cool!
IM brought up how strange it would be to show their child a picture of himself or herself at 5 days old. How cool!
The Transfer
So when I finally have a lot to write about, I don't! Granted, I have been flat on my back for about a week straight..... Sorry to anyone who has been keeping up via this blog. So here's what's been going on...
As you know our transfer was scheduled for last Wednesday, September 18th. I flew out the evening of the 17th so I would be rested and relaxed for the transfer. From the very beginning, it was an amazing trip. It started out on the plane ride there where there were only about 20 of us on this whole jet, and about 10 of the other people were a group of men returning from a hog-hunting trip in Utopia. Let's just say from their conversation and smell, alcohol and firearms were definitely combined on this fun-filled weekend. They were actually a rather entertaining bunch, and I was assured repeatedly that should we be stranded in a plane crash (Lost?) I would be well protected because of their crazy supply of weapons and ammo stashed in baggage. Man, was I relieved.
After an entertaining flight I was met at the airport by my IPs. I guess I haven't given them a name on here yet, and calling them IPs sounds really cold at this point. I'll think of something fun to call them...Anyway, we arrived at their beautiful home and I got settled in my suite, downed a bowl of cereal, and called it a night!
The morning of the transfer we arrived at the RE office about 10:00. We changed into our scrubs (I got a little mixed up, blaming it on the Valium) and the doctor came in to discuss the progress of the embryos with us. It is simply amazing how they are able to create and monitor these embryos, and looking at the pictures really had me in awe of modern medicine. They basically retrieved the eggs, fertilized them with a single sperm (which they are able to pick up and put on a needle) and allowed the embyos to grow for 5 days to see which would have the best chances of "making it". Some didn't make it, and we were left with four "contenders". The doctor had picked out the best two and suggested we transfer both. One was in the early blastocyst stage and one wasn't quite there. It was an easy decision to go with two. We were told the chances of pregnancy would be 50%, twins 29%, and triplets 2%. I wish that first number was higher, but glad the third isn't!!! The other two were left to grow to see if they would progress to the blast stage so they could be frozen in case we needed to do another transfer. (Neither survived, so no "snow babies" this time around.)
The transfer itself was super easy. I was instructed to take a Valium one hour before the transfer to make sure I was super relaxed, so maybe that's why it seemed like a piece of cake. They put a catheter in my uterus and then used that as a tunnel to guide the embryos through. They then shot them out really gently and there they stuck!! We were able to see them shoot out on the ultrasound which was very cool and so surreal. To think the embryos were the size of a pen dot on a piece of paper, and they could place them that exactly and gently. So amazing!!
I rested for about 10 minutes and then we drove back to their house where I spent all of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday on bed rest......TO BE CONTINUED....
As you know our transfer was scheduled for last Wednesday, September 18th. I flew out the evening of the 17th so I would be rested and relaxed for the transfer. From the very beginning, it was an amazing trip. It started out on the plane ride there where there were only about 20 of us on this whole jet, and about 10 of the other people were a group of men returning from a hog-hunting trip in Utopia. Let's just say from their conversation and smell, alcohol and firearms were definitely combined on this fun-filled weekend. They were actually a rather entertaining bunch, and I was assured repeatedly that should we be stranded in a plane crash (Lost?) I would be well protected because of their crazy supply of weapons and ammo stashed in baggage. Man, was I relieved.
After an entertaining flight I was met at the airport by my IPs. I guess I haven't given them a name on here yet, and calling them IPs sounds really cold at this point. I'll think of something fun to call them...Anyway, we arrived at their beautiful home and I got settled in my suite, downed a bowl of cereal, and called it a night!
The morning of the transfer we arrived at the RE office about 10:00. We changed into our scrubs (I got a little mixed up, blaming it on the Valium) and the doctor came in to discuss the progress of the embryos with us. It is simply amazing how they are able to create and monitor these embryos, and looking at the pictures really had me in awe of modern medicine. They basically retrieved the eggs, fertilized them with a single sperm (which they are able to pick up and put on a needle) and allowed the embyos to grow for 5 days to see which would have the best chances of "making it". Some didn't make it, and we were left with four "contenders". The doctor had picked out the best two and suggested we transfer both. One was in the early blastocyst stage and one wasn't quite there. It was an easy decision to go with two. We were told the chances of pregnancy would be 50%, twins 29%, and triplets 2%. I wish that first number was higher, but glad the third isn't!!! The other two were left to grow to see if they would progress to the blast stage so they could be frozen in case we needed to do another transfer. (Neither survived, so no "snow babies" this time around.)
The transfer itself was super easy. I was instructed to take a Valium one hour before the transfer to make sure I was super relaxed, so maybe that's why it seemed like a piece of cake. They put a catheter in my uterus and then used that as a tunnel to guide the embryos through. They then shot them out really gently and there they stuck!! We were able to see them shoot out on the ultrasound which was very cool and so surreal. To think the embryos were the size of a pen dot on a piece of paper, and they could place them that exactly and gently. So amazing!!
I rested for about 10 minutes and then we drove back to their house where I spent all of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday on bed rest......TO BE CONTINUED....
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Catch 22
I was so excited Saturday because my bottom felt so much better after mowing the yard. I'd found the best solution yet for getting the oil to thin and spread throughout the muscle....so good 'ol exercise that really works that glute.
Not 3 hours later, I was walking into the kids' rooms and tripped over a drop cloth we had on the floor while R painted the dining room. My big toe folded underneath my foot and I stepped right on it with all of my weight. HOLY OUCH!!!!
I may have broken it or just sprained it, but either way it hurts like mad and the only solution is to stay off of it. So herein lies my dilemma. Walk on my foot and cause it to throb and swell but help my bottom feel better, or rest my foot and my bottom hurts something awful. Nice timing on my part, right?
Not 3 hours later, I was walking into the kids' rooms and tripped over a drop cloth we had on the floor while R painted the dining room. My big toe folded underneath my foot and I stepped right on it with all of my weight. HOLY OUCH!!!!
I may have broken it or just sprained it, but either way it hurts like mad and the only solution is to stay off of it. So herein lies my dilemma. Walk on my foot and cause it to throb and swell but help my bottom feel better, or rest my foot and my bottom hurts something awful. Nice timing on my part, right?
Friday, September 13, 2013
Transfer Scheduled!!
Transfer is scheduled for next Wednesday, September 18th! I can't believe it's finally here!
Everything was set in motion Wednesday and the eggs are being retrieved today. The embryos will develop for 5 days and then be transferred sometime Wednesday. I'll be flying out next Tuesday and coming back Saturday morning. So please get your prayer engines ready for next week. All of us involved would certainly appreciate it!
My biggest "job" right now is making sure I take all of my meds. Right now that is the estrogen, progesterone, and doxycycline (an antibiotic to help prevent infection during the transfer). I just started the progesterone yesterday and let me tell you, that one is a ball of fun. It's an intramuscular injection with a LONG needle right in the rear once a day. R has the pleasure of sticking me first thing in the morning, lucky guy. The hardest part is that it's actually progesterone in oil, so I'm injecting oil into the muscle. Needless to say, it really just wants to sit there and make me really, really sore. I'm slowly learning some tricks on how to get it spreading, but it still makes for a really sore bottom. I better get used to it though, I get to keep these up right through the first trimester. So worth it though!
What a pain in the ass.....ha!
Everything was set in motion Wednesday and the eggs are being retrieved today. The embryos will develop for 5 days and then be transferred sometime Wednesday. I'll be flying out next Tuesday and coming back Saturday morning. So please get your prayer engines ready for next week. All of us involved would certainly appreciate it!
My biggest "job" right now is making sure I take all of my meds. Right now that is the estrogen, progesterone, and doxycycline (an antibiotic to help prevent infection during the transfer). I just started the progesterone yesterday and let me tell you, that one is a ball of fun. It's an intramuscular injection with a LONG needle right in the rear once a day. R has the pleasure of sticking me first thing in the morning, lucky guy. The hardest part is that it's actually progesterone in oil, so I'm injecting oil into the muscle. Needless to say, it really just wants to sit there and make me really, really sore. I'm slowly learning some tricks on how to get it spreading, but it still makes for a really sore bottom. I better get used to it though, I get to keep these up right through the first trimester. So worth it though!What a pain in the ass.....ha!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Flax and Patch
That's the official term coined by my lovely IM (Intended Mother). This weekend I was pumped full of estrogen via patch(doc's remedy) and flaxseed via yogurt (my own remedy) in an attempt to get my lining up to the desired thickness for the transfer. BOY, were we successful! My lining went from a 4 (terrible) to 14 (awesome) in about 60 hours. They were apparently "jumping up and down" at the doctor's office when they saw the results. I feel so relieved! I was a bit worried it wasn't going to thicken up properly. I would just hate for anything to throw this cycle off. We are so close to transfer!!
I also think I'm going to lay off the workouts for a little while. I know they say exercise is always good, but I feel like I got pregnant with S and Em when I was at my most sedentary. Maybe my body wants to choose between working hard with exercise or working hard supporting a baby. I definitely want it to pick the latter right now, so I think I'm going to limit myself to relaxed swimming and walking. I'll save box jumps and burpees for post-baby shredding time, which will be no joke.
Off to bed. Working hard to get some past minute painting done in the house before I'm banned from VOC exposure. Painting all day plus crazy estrogen levels equals one tuckered out little lady.
I also think I'm going to lay off the workouts for a little while. I know they say exercise is always good, but I feel like I got pregnant with S and Em when I was at my most sedentary. Maybe my body wants to choose between working hard with exercise or working hard supporting a baby. I definitely want it to pick the latter right now, so I think I'm going to limit myself to relaxed swimming and walking. I'll save box jumps and burpees for post-baby shredding time, which will be no joke.
Off to bed. Working hard to get some past minute painting done in the house before I'm banned from VOC exposure. Painting all day plus crazy estrogen levels equals one tuckered out little lady.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Estrooooo-so-tired-gen
Had my second check up tomorrow and my lining is still pretty thin, so they put me on estrogen patches, in addition to the estrogen oral supplements I am taking three times a day. I get two slap to of those suckers on my belly every other day and let the hormones rage!
Last night was pretty interesting. Within two hours of putting the patches on, I was crampy and bloated. Today not as bad but I am so.....incredibly.....tired. Luckily R is happy to just chill on weekends or I'd be in trouble. Definitely not up for some wild family adventure this weekend. I am seriously dragging and I really hope it is just my body adjusting to the new level of hormone in my system. We might ALL need nap time next week if things don't level out. I am optimistic that they will!
I go back on Monday to see if my lining has thickened up. I'm doing everything I can think of to help. Eating lots of lignans and upping my fat intake a little bit. I tend to let even the good fats slip out of my diet, so I've got to be more conscientious about that.
Tonight I built S a fort in the playroom that I'm pretty darn impressed with. Won't hear a peep from him all night. Daddy is putting to Em to bed in just a bit hear, so I'm about to crawl under the covers myself. Night everyone!
Last night was pretty interesting. Within two hours of putting the patches on, I was crampy and bloated. Today not as bad but I am so.....incredibly.....tired. Luckily R is happy to just chill on weekends or I'd be in trouble. Definitely not up for some wild family adventure this weekend. I am seriously dragging and I really hope it is just my body adjusting to the new level of hormone in my system. We might ALL need nap time next week if things don't level out. I am optimistic that they will!
I go back on Monday to see if my lining has thickened up. I'm doing everything I can think of to help. Eating lots of lignans and upping my fat intake a little bit. I tend to let even the good fats slip out of my diet, so I've got to be more conscientious about that.
Tonight I built S a fort in the playroom that I'm pretty darn impressed with. Won't hear a peep from him all night. Daddy is putting to Em to bed in just a bit hear, so I'm about to crawl under the covers myself. Night everyone!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
In Bed With Dexter
After the transfer I will need to be on bed rest for two full days. Now I'm pretty good and laying around doing nothing when I'm not feeling well or every once in awhile when I just want to be lazy. But two full days when I'm feeling perfectly fine and most likely in some beautiful weather???
So I was thinking of a show that I could kind of get "lost" in to make the time go by, and then I had my lightbulb moment. I'm a HUGE Dexter and Michael C. Hall fan, but I've never seen him in Six Feet Under. Click!!!
God bless Facebook, my lovely friend Angela just happened to have the entire boxed set ready and waiting.
So now I will be lying in bed with Michael C. Hall for two days. I can think of worse things...
Now on to "things that actually matter" news... Tomorrow I go for my lining check. They want to see that the lining of my uterus is at a certain thickness to receive the embryo and make sure it sticks! All seems to be going well so I'm hopeful for a good report.
I'm now on three Estradiol pills a day, but no more injections for now. No more shots till the big boy needles in probably another week or so.
Getting close and getting very excited!
So I was thinking of a show that I could kind of get "lost" in to make the time go by, and then I had my lightbulb moment. I'm a HUGE Dexter and Michael C. Hall fan, but I've never seen him in Six Feet Under. Click!!!
God bless Facebook, my lovely friend Angela just happened to have the entire boxed set ready and waiting.
So now I will be lying in bed with Michael C. Hall for two days. I can think of worse things...
Now on to "things that actually matter" news... Tomorrow I go for my lining check. They want to see that the lining of my uterus is at a certain thickness to receive the embryo and make sure it sticks! All seems to be going well so I'm hopeful for a good report.
I'm now on three Estradiol pills a day, but no more injections for now. No more shots till the big boy needles in probably another week or so.
Getting close and getting very excited!